Returning to work

Wednesday afternoon and Wednesday night my heart was racing, I was shaky and I felt sick. I also wanted to cry.

All of this because on Thursday I was back to work after 18 months away looking after our beautiful Darling Daughter (DD).

I barely slept Wednesday night. 

Thursday morning came and I didn't want to not do the daycare drop off so hubby and I both took DD to daycare. She had no idea what was going on except that Mummy was wearing "nice" clothes.

My heart was STILL racing and I still felt sick. I didn't so much feel like crying but running away and hiding.

Why was I so worried?

I'll admit it. I'm shallow. I was worried no one would talk to me. That no one would like me. I can't help but wonder if this was exacerbated by my PND.

I rocked up only 15 minutes early. Before DD I would be there at least half an hour early to have a coffee and a chat. No time for that yesterday.

Admittedly I got my coffee. Then when I sat down with the lovely lady doing my return to work training, I felt at ease. Things made sense. I had set guidelines I had to follow to help people. 

I forgot about the teasing and ribbing from a few people. I'd forgotten how much I missed them. One of the guys can't believe I do my own footy tips. Maybe because I'm not just beating him but I'm on the top of the ladder. For now. We've still got a fair way to go.

I missed hearing people on the other end of the phone wanting me (or my colleagues) fix their problem whatever it may be. 

Then came the dreaded phone call from daycare. DD had some suss nappies. Could we please pick her up? So I rang hubby as he had the car with our carseat (our second carseat is waiting for us at our local Target to be picked up). He took a few hours off work. Then he text me to say daycare wanted us to keep her home today to be on the safe side. I only work 2 days a week. Today should have been my second day back. But here I am blogging away. While DD sleeps peacefully. We're thinking it's her teeth. She's certainly not off her food, bottles or water. And her top molars are cutting. Ewwww. 

But I'm glad I went back. I'm happy I took the extra 6 months. Yes it was hard financially but we did it. I'm also super happy that I've gone back now, and not any later. I can't wait to finish my return to work training next week and really get back in the swing of things. 

I'm a LAP'er

I'm a LAP'er. And I'm proud of it, and everyone else who is one. 

What is a LAP'er? 

It is a mum, or a dad, who is a member of L'il Aussie Prems forum.

When Darling Daughter (DD) was born, I wondered who the hell I was going to talk to, ask questions, relate to. None of my friends were parents to prems, or so I thought. There's no support group in my town, nowhere to turn to relate to premmie issues. You might remember from a previous post, that we weren't allowed to go to any of the mum's groups (The In Between).

So I turned to everyone's good friend, Google. I looked up things about premmies, from local support groups to worldwide groups, and then I found L'il Aussie Prems. 

From the first moment I joined their forum, everyone was so welcoming. Over the last 18 months, I have seen LAP grow from just a support group, to a registered charity helping families of premmie babies get through it all. I have to admit, when things are going great, I don't post on the forum very much, because I feel a bit bad for the parents who are having a bad time.

Through LAP, our family has celebrated two Wear Green For Premmies days in 2012 and 2013 by wearing green and our wristbrands and one World Prematurity Day by lighting our special purple candle at the same time as many other families.

There's also a wealth of knowledge for parents who might be in the midst of bringing a premmie into the world. Their Information Page has links to different articles which can help explain what might happen next.

I've found myself returning to the forums lately, mainly because it's been almost 18 months since DD joined us and also because I'm facing the daunting, yet exciting prospect of returning to work. 

I know that if I ever have a question about if DD is doing what she "should", the parents on L'il Aussie Prems will have the answer, and on the slight off chance they don't, I'll still get support.

Please stop by and have a look around the website. What you will find about these wonderful, awesome little fighters might surprise you. And if you are a parent of a prem, feel free to join us in the message boards. 

Today I'm linking up with Essentially Jess for #IBOT

** All images have been used with permission from L'il Aussie Prems :)

Shhhh

Can you hear that? 


Nope, that's the sound of silence. It's what my keyboard has been like for nearly two weeks now. 


I've got no blog-spiration. I don't watch the news, we are eating dinner at that time and have ABC4Kids on in the background for noise, so current events are out.

No funny or interesting stories. I could probably have a whinge about mountain biking but that might upset Darling Husband (DH).

I've still been reading blogs as much as I can.

But DH has had the laptop squirreled away to use for his uni studies. It's behind a closed door again because a certain little someone likes to push buttons on it. 


I'm feeling flat and uninspired lately. I think it's lack of contact with people, but that's my own fault. I'm a creature of singularity sometimes.

Please bear with me while I turn my life upside down and try to find my mojo?

Hey, you. It's me

Hey, you.

It's me.

I'm sorry we lost contact. I tried so hard when I left the industry to track down a way to contact you, but I just couldn't find you.

I met you ten years ago, well, just over ten years ago now. I was a naive 18 year old, you were the one who would end up training me in the ways of insurance. And for that, I thank you. 

Not only that, but you were, and will always remain, a loved friend. 

We worked together for almost four years before you left the company, and I can honestly say, I'm glad you got out when you did. Things went pear shaped not long after you left.

You stayed in the industry, so with us both being part of such a "small" group, it was easy to still talk to you, email you. 

I remember that my mum, you and your sister all conspired to decorate the office for my 18th. You would have had to have been out of bed early that day, and I know for a fact, you weren't a morning person.

Some of my funniest experiences happened with you, like the time I told you I thought the dog catcher was "a bit of alright" and you kindly informed me he was your nephew. I wanted the world to open up and swallow me at that moment. I can only imagine the shade of red I went.

You're the reason for my Anne Bishop obsession, lending me your copies of the Dark Jewels trilogy. That reminds me, it's March. I should go to the bookshop - she's due to release another one!

There's more stashed, trust me!

You also encouraged me to start collecting the DVD sets of Stargate SG-1 and Dark Angel. I took it further and included Farscape, Battlestar Galactica 2003 and Firefly/Serenity.

I even have the SG-1 books!

We saw each other in September last year, in Coles. It was the first time I had seen you in a number of years. I won't lie, your appearance shocked me, but I KNEW it was you from your voice and your cheerfulness when you said, "Hey, Miss Sarah!"

That's something else you started. It's not the same when someone else calls me that.

The last time I saw you was the day bub was discharged from hospital after being crook. We didn't get to talk, but I saw it in your eyes. I'm so glad you got that fleeting look of my darling little girl. You would love her, and I know she would love you.

When I heard the news of your passing, at first, I wasn't sad. I had been expecting the news for some time. But as it sunk in, that I'd never hear your voice again, never share a joke, never show bub off to you, it hurt. You're the first friend I've lost in over 10 years. 

We farewelled you last week. You wanted us all to wear purple. So I did. And because I knew you'd laugh, I wore purple undies for you too!

I'm still sad but gee I'm laughing now, especially knowing that you've written down stories about me and your family (including your nephew) have read them. I'm also cringing but in a good way.

Where ever you are now, I know you won't make it easy on anyone. You make sure they are all up to your standards!!

Love and sci-fi forever,
Miss Sarah




Today I'm linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT

A slip of the tongue

Today it's IBOT day with Essentially Jess

I know it's being talked about EVERYWHERE, but I'm jumping onto this too.

So, the Duchess of Cambridge had a slip of the tongue and said she would take a teddy bear (as a gift) for her d.......

The giver of the gift assumes she was going to say daughter. 

But what if her and the Duke are having a darling baby? Or dear son?

Why is everyone presuming it's a little girl?

Don't get me wrong, with the new succession laws I'm really hoping they do have a little girl first so that there IS going to be another Queen in the not to distant future, without her father/brother having to abdicate.

It got me thinking though. Maybe the Duchess has baby brain? I honestly don't blame her. Darling Husband (DH) and I had names (girl definite, boy tentative) and we were keeping them a secret. We wanted it all to be a suprise for everyone. 

So imagine my absolute dismay at myself with speaking with a colleague at work and I spill the names! I tried to cover, but I'm pretty sure she didn't believe me. 

But it doesn't always happen to pregnant women. It can happen to children (spilling secrets) or an excited adult accidentally ruining a surprise. Like a birthday present. 

What's your biggest, "Oh crap, I shouldn't have said anything moment?"

Only, but not lonely

It's IBOT day today so I'm linking up with the lovely Essentially Jess

Thanks to everyone who voted in my poll. Looks like you want to know what it was like for me growing up as an only child.

I'm an only child, but not by choice. I'll leave the rest of it at that.

I'm the child my parents were told they'd never have. 

Growing up, it never occurred to me that everyone else had brothers and sisters.

Kids would tell me I was strange or missing out.

In my early years of preschool, my best friend was a boy named Matt. I was going to marry him. His father was the MC at my wedding to Darling Husband (DH) because he is a close family friend of both families. I used to hang out with Matt and his younger brother. His parents are the only parents of friends who I refer to by their first names. Even now.

Then there was the trusty trio in grades one and two. Ezza, Mezza, and Sezza. Sadly, we all drifted apart, but through Facebook have reconnected. These ladies should know who they are. When spending time with Ezza, she had two younger, twin sisters. Mezza had an older sister and a younger sister. See? Plenty of people to hang out and play with.

Different friends over the years. But always with siblings. I felt like an extension of those siblings in many cases. Did I get lonely at home? I sure as hell don't remember feeling that way. Did I ever wish for brothers or sisters? I won't lie, I sure did. Was I spoilt? Probably. But I think I've turned out ok.

As a child, if I wasn't asking to go and play at someone's house, I was reading. Something which I still love to do today. Being an only child meant that there was only ever MY lot of book club to pay for, meaning I could order more. I let friends borrow books. I still had friends for sleep overs. 

I'm extremely blessed to have my best friend, Tegan, who is my sister of the heart. We don't need blood to connect us. We are two peas in a pod, an extension of each other. We can have an entire conversation with nothing but a few eyebrow wiggles, or on a busy day, a few little noises or even just one word each. Without Tegan, I don't know who I would be anymore. I am also lucky now to have a sister-in-law. 

But please don't look at an only child with pity. It may be through choice or otherwise. We don't miss out on things, we aren't monsters or freaks. 

Our parents just managed to make the "perfect" child on the first go! (sorry people with siblings!)

I hate ants

I guess my title says it all. I hate ants. The little blighters make me so angry.

My Darling Husband (DH) keeps telling me it's because our house is 'dirty'.

Meaning I don't do enough housework.

I'll admit it, I don't like doing housework, but I do enough so that we live in a nice, clean, comfortable environment.

Right now, I'm watching one of the little menaces climb up the wall, that's been sprayed with ant spray. Why won't they die??

I'm sick of picking them off Darling Daughter's (DD's) mat. 

It's only been since ex-TC Oswald that all the ant dramas escalated to the point now where the slightest tickle on my leg and I'm madly swatting to get them off me. Whether they are there or not.

I've sprayed ant spray, I've tried killing by hand, I've tried vaccuuming them up. To no avail.

My house is almost spotless. Where the ants are most, IS spotless, it's been cleaned that many times in the last few days. 

They are driving me batty. 

I guess you could say I'm getting ant-sy (oh a terrible, terrible joke, I know)