Tuesday, 4 December 2012

That Darn Feeling

Ok, so yesterday I freaked out. Big time.

For two days, I'd had severe nausea and even vomiting in the morning. 

I honestly thought I was pregnant again, even though DH and I have always used protection, apart from when we were trying for DD.

When I threw up yesterday, DH said, "You're not pregnant, are you?"

That's when the panic set in. I rang my mum, all scared, wanting her to watch DD while I went and got a pregnancy test. In the end, I went and saw my GP because in my mind, the test was only going to give me a false negative. I became a human pincushion for bloods to be taken, I was so dehydrated. He rushed them through and one of his receptionists rang yesterday afternoon - I'm not pregnant! It's just food poisoning or a virus.

Why was I so scared? I'm just not ready for another baby yet.

There's quite a number of reasons, including the fact any further pregnancies are high risk, with lots of monitoring, early steroid injections, lots of scans, and a very good chance I will go premmie again, maybe even earlier than 33 weeks. I don't want to miss out on anything with DD while she is still so young. It wouldn't be fair to her to do it all again so early. Our house isn't big enough, we don't earn enough money, I can't risk losing my job. I mean, Centrelink would probably look a bit nicer toward us if we had more than one, but it still wouldn't get us through. 

Will I ever be ready for another baby? I honestly don't know. DH thinks I'm just being silly, but he's not the one who was left alone in the hospital at night, with no one to turn to if I needed to vent. He could have called his parents or mine, but I'm the sort of person who finds it very hard to talk about how I'm feeling sometimes. I also have trouble asking for help. 

There's no doubt in my mind that we would have just carried on and somehow gotten through if I was, but it was such a relief to know that I'm not pregnant. 

But I will say to you - if you ask for your steak medium well and it's still rare, don't eat it, no matter how starving you are!

I've linked up with Essentially Jess for IBOT today. Head on over and check everyone out!


  1. I can appreciate that fear. I've been quite scared on a number of occasions, yet the irony is that it took so long to actually get pregnant when we wanted baby #2!

  2. I have 3 kids, youngest is 9 months, and the past week I started to wonder if I was pregnant. But then when I thought about it, I realised that I've felt this way when the other 2 were this age as well, so maybe it's a hormonal thing? Either that or I really am pregnant, and wouldn't that be a spanner in the works, considering O go back to work tomorrow! xx

  3. Oh you poor thing. I totally understand about what you mean with realising you are just not ready for another baby. I admire mums who are able to see that. There is such a push that once you have one you should be ready to spit out a whole tribe in next to no time and that is just not always the best way to go about it.

    Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses lovely

  4. Yes, I know that feeling! Enjoy spending time with your precious "one" right here and now (and thanks for the advice re: the steak!!)

  5. You are not the only one that is not up for another one. I feel ill quite a lot and that takes me away from JT more than I care.....well, not away but the exuberance wanes etc. I need all my energy to give his way. We are very similar you and I :)
    Becc via #ibot

  6. Sometimes our mind can play funny tricks on us.... x

  7. I get this. Having a premmie baby is a terrifying idea, and if you have a high risk pregnancy as well, I'd be keen to hold off.

  8. I totally get this. People are so keen to tell you to go back for another baby but it's not them who is living in your life, in your head. The thought of falling pregnant again terrifies me like you wouldn't believe. In fact it scares the shit out of Paul too. I can't afford to go off my meds for 9 months. Great post x